Why Barbie is all wrong for your wedding.

Stay with me folks, this one is a biggie.

We've all seen Barbie, you know the obnoxious little dolls produced by Mattell since 1959?  You know, the one who teases Ken all the time, but they never seem to actually.... well, you get the idea.  Barbie has had a lot of facelifts over the years (quite literally), but the Barbie I remember doesn't look anything like the Barbie you see today.  This is a good thing.  Its a lesson learned I think.  You see its like this:  Barbie was an idealized version of feminine perfection.  Yet, there were so many versions sold, that the idea of Barbie being "idealized" went away and she became, "what every girl should look like".  I know lots of girls who grew up thinking that's how women should look.

Lets take a look at a photo of Barbie.

Note the features, and the body shape.  VERY skinny, yet has an, ahem, ample bustline.  Also, note just how plasticky that skin looks!  Seriously though, with young girls playing with dolls like this and there being so many of them around.... is it any wonder how they got a fairly bad self image going?  

Now, lets add insult to injury and give these girls even more reason to torture themselves:  The US reports that 33.8% of its population is OBESE!  Not just overweight, but OBESE!  Whaaaa?  Well, that's technically another article, but its all about the way they determine obesity.  If you're X tall, you should be X pounds, its really a total load of crap.  Back in the day when I was in shape, very good shape, I was 6"2" tall (still am, actually) and weighed about 225 pounds.  I also had a 29 inch waistline.  According to the US Government I was just a smidge away from being obese, yep, believe it.  I actually had a doctor tell me I was overweight during a routine check-up.  After asking him if he was kidding, I got a new doctor.

Soooo, getting back to Barbie and how this relates to your wedding.....

Who is to blame for this idea that all women should look like Barbie?

Mattel?  Some, yes.

Parents?  Ehh, I don't think so.

The little girls?  Nope, not a chance.

Then who?

The MEDIA, yep, TV, Radio, Advertising, Magazines, Billboards, even cereal boxes.  They all promoted the idea without saying they were.  If all you ever see is the idealized and perfected, you come to believe that's how it should be and will begin to question anything that is less than that.  We all do it, about many things.

Which brings me to the point of this article.

There are so many magazines, websites, and "experts" out there today showing off these amazing weddings.  Weddings that A: cost a fortune, and B: are not the "norm".  Yet, somehow, that seems to be all the weddings some sites cover.  The term "real wedding" is being throw around now too.  A "real wedding" is pretty much what EVERY wedding is, isn't it?  I mean unless its a "fake" wedding.  But to find the most overdecorated, overdone for the sake of being overdone, over the top stupid expensive wedding and plaster the words, "real wedding" on it doesn't really serve any good purpose, does it?

Hmmmm..... it does actually.  Only how "good" that purpose is depends on what side of the Wedding Industry Fence you stand on.  If you're a potential bride, this may not be the best thing for you.

However, if you're an advertiser in any of these magazines, or on these websites, well, its probably VERY good for you.  Well for a little while anyway.

You see, there's a funny thing about human psychology.  When we see something we want, but realize how VERY out of reach it could be, some of us will do the best we can to get as close as possible to that, while others will pretty much give up and not really try at all.

What I mean is this.  Lets say we have two brides, Amber, and Jennifer (I just pulled those names out of my ..... I just made them up, alright?).  They are both looking in magazines and reading on the internet about what they should do for the planning of their wedding.  They are being bombarded with imagery and ideas.  Much of what they see is over the top and out of their budged range.  They both have average budgets, don't ask me what that number is, I don't know.  In other words, they can spend some money, but having their wedding on a private island at a hand built castle of gold bricks made just for the occasion is pretty much out of the question.

Amber sees all these things and decides this is what she wants.  After going back and forth with her hubby-to-be and parents and friends, she learns its just not going to happen.  Instead of being heartbroken, Amber reads more and researches ways to get what she wants, cheaper and easier.  She begins to compare something that cost her $10 to the photos she saw of something that cost $100.  You see where this is going, right?  She is not satisfied with anything.  Nothing is good enough, and in her mind, the entire day is ruined.  Now, why did this happen again?

Jennifer.... right, Jennifer does all the reading and research too.  She realizes on her own that her wedding won't be like what she sees in the media.  Instead of trying, she goes minimalist.  She hires vendors and a venue, but apologizes to them about her "simple" wedding.  She actually feels BAD that she can't do what she sees in the magazines, not for herself, but for her VENDORS!

Interesting that the whole point of these over the top, overdecorated displays in magazines and websites is intended to send more dollars to their advertisers, and I'm sure it does.  Yet, in the long term, it will ruin the Wedding Industry.  Weddings are supposed to be a happy day.  MOST people plan average weddings.  Now, when I say "average" wedding, I don't mean boring.  I mean they don't overspend for the sake of overspending, they don't take pride in how much money was spent, and they don't compare their wedding decoration to celebrity weddings.  You know, real people.  The kind that hire me and I like to work with.

Ruin the Wedding Industry?  Mhm.

What happens when only the rich and famous can have a "nice" wedding?  The vendors and industry begin to cater to them, pushing out everything else.  That means that the other 98% of weddings will have to "settle" for the "B" Team.  That's a sad day for weddings.  Every little girl dreams of her wedding day.  The media will make that dream a nightmare.

We've actually had brides apologize to us for how "boring" their wedding will be for us.  That's just sad.  Its a by-product of these websites and magazines that act like they are helping brides.  Say what?  Oh, yeah, all those wedding websites and magazines "act" like they're helping brides.  Truth is this:  Weddings are a one-off kind of thing.  Once you're done, you're done.  If a website or magazine can get you to spend money with their advertisers, then their advertisers keep spending money with them.  Capitalism... gotta love it.  I'm not saying they are no help, just that their motivation is a little different than it appears.

Now, you can ask me, "What's your motivation?  Why write all this stuff?"  

Simple.  I love weddings.  I love seeing people happy.  And I never want any woman (or man) to be ashamed of their wedding day or apologize for anything on it.  They should be thinking about how amazing a thing it is to promise to spend their lives with another person, not if the decorations are up to snuff with the rest of the wedding world.

Just how I see it.

-B

If you have anything you'd like to say about this article, please feel free to leave a comment....